Wicked Writing Wench (perverted_pages) wrote,
Wicked Writing Wench
perverted_pages

What To Do With A Vampire

Title: What to do with a vampire.
Word Count: 356
Warnings: None... not really. It's mostly just dialogue.
Appropriate rating: Uhm... PG13? I think PG13 is applicable
Pairing: Spander
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. I'm just borrowing them for a few! I promise to wash them when I'm done! Joss Whedon is my God!
Summary: It'll fit! Spike entertains Xander while he's stuck in that horrid orange chair.

X-posted to: perverted_pages, darker_spike, btvs_lightsout, btvs_slash, sxandviolence, spike_fics, bloodclaim, btvsatsdotcom, nekid_spike, sickchicks, xander_slash, i_need_a_parrot, spanderslash, spike_xander, all_fics_btvs, basementofdoom, btvs_fanfic
Archived outside LJ at: My IJ and fanfiction.net




Soft grunting fills the room, as the platinum blond, and shaggy brunette, faces showing intense concentration, struggle onwards.

“Xander it’s not going to fit.”

“Maybe if I...”

“Bloody hell! Gentle with that! You can’t FORCE it”

“I’m not forcing it! I’m trying to wiggle it in.”

“Well wiggling isn’t working, you’re going to tear it apart.”

“I won’t tear it apart, I know what I’m doing!”

“Right, wanker here has had plenty of experience! I’ve been doing this for over a hundred years mate, and when I give advice you bloody well take it, especially when you are using MY…”

“Oh! Wait! This way!”

“Which was what I was trying to tell you!”

“But I figured it out on my own! You have to give me points for that!”

“Any idiot could have figured it out Harris. But you would have got it sooner, and gotten satisfaction for getting it done right SOONER if you’d only listened to me when I started telling you…”

“Spike, I don’t want your opinion. I got it to fit, I didn’t tear it, and now it’s almost done. So sit back, and stop your whining. I’ll be finished soon, and then you can go back to your… whatever you were doing. What is it you do all day tied to my chair, anyways?”

“Are you honestly curious?”

“No, I guess not… just trying to make conversation till we’re done.”

“So wait mate, this is now a team effort? I thought you were the only one who was…”

“Well, I couldn’t have gotten this far into this thing without you.”

“Finally admitting I helped you out in your little experiment?”

“Yes, oh great Big Bad, you helped me put together my first ever 3-D puzzle. Couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Harris, out of the entire bloody planet, only you would use a tied up, helpless vampire, to help you with your puzzle building skills.”

“Well, what else am I supposed to do with a tied up homicidal maniac with an electronic leash that I don’t entirely trust?”

“Whatever you want, Harris… I’m up for anything.”

“What do you…. Oh my...”
Tags: comedy, dialogue, innuendo, pg13, spander
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