Appropriate Ratings: NC17 overall but this chapter... PG-13 (Dealing with some things… hrm)
Disclaimers: Not my characters. I make no money off this, I'm just playing. I promise to give them a bath and thorough cleaning when I'm done! Joss Whedon is my lord and Master. All hail Joss Whedon.
Short Summary: About five years post NFA, Xander needs a job, like, NOW! And runs into someone he knows where he'd least expect it.
Word Count: 2678 (As per Microsoft Office 2013 Word Count)
Beta: realtsunamigirl but I edit afterwards, so all errors are mine and mine alone.
X-posted to: perverted_pages, bloodclaim, sxandviolence, spanderslash, darker_vault, sickchicks, btvsatsdotcom, darker_spike, spike_fics, spike_xander, xander_slash, i_need_a_parrot, nekid_spike
Archived Outside LJ At: adult-fanfiction.org and The Spander Files
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A.N. Art by tamakin
Spike and Xander were listening to music on the sound system Spike had in his apartment, trying to find a new song to strip to. They figured now with the prayer done, they could get back to work.
“No, these are all too… not us,” Xander finally exclaimed and put the CD away. “Does he have anything else?”
Spike barked laughter. “That man has been collecting music since it’s been recorded, we’ll find something at his place, come on.” He got up and put all the CD’s they’d turned down into a bag and walked to the door after getting his wallet and keys.
“Mmmm, I like this domestic life, I can get used to it,” Xander said as he got his wallet and keys. He slipped his hand into Spike’s and opens the door. “I know why Ben wanted it so much, it’s so much better than being alone.” He kissed Spike deftly then stepped out onto the landing with him, Spike locked up.
They skipped down the stairs, chattering about what kind of music they’d need and came out their hidden door, to four very buff, very armed men standing in front of a limo. Xander froze and that blocked the doorway, not letting Spike out.
“What’re you doing, stopping in the door, out or in, and we already said out.” He pushed past Xander and out into the alley and froze. “Shit.”
“Get in the car,” the long blond haired one of the four said, motioning to the open door of the limo, which looked cavernous and held the possibility of holding just about anything. Spike swallowed. “Not going in there mate.” He looked at the cop car stationed at their alley, but neither cop was looking at them nor seemed to notice anything, again. Spike swore, either they were bribed or something worse was going on.
Xander held his hand and stared at the guns. Finally, after thirty seconds of waiting, the bald headed one and the buzz cut one grabbed them both by the arm and bodily moved them into the limo and sat beside them. Once everyone was inside, the door closed, and the car smoothly made it’s way out of the alley.
Xander looked around the limo and found it well appointed. There was a bar, a phone, a television with DVD and Blue Ray player. The men had put away their guns, but boxed them in on either side, so no escaping out the door suddenly for either of them.
Suddenly the blond asked, “Would either of you like a drink?”
Xander shook his head wildly and Spike quirked an eyebrow. “You four just bodily forced us into the limo at gun point and are now offering us a drink?”
“Yeah,” said the blond. “I want an apple juice, and it’s rude to indulge and not share, so juice? Alcohol? I know it’s early, but it’s after four somewhere in the world.” He smiled charmingly. They both shook their heads no. He poured himself some cold apple juice and drank it down all at once, smacked his lips happily, then put the glass away. “Seriously, you guys want anything, just ask, we’ve even got snacks, chips, dip, all that kind of good stuff.”
“Where are we going?” Xander asked, wondering why they would get hungry and thirsty and need all this.
“Ohhh, a car ride, to a clearing, to a secret place that’s hidden from normal view. Don’t worry,” he smiled and the guns in all their hands whispered away like smoke. “You two are honoured guests, nothing will happen to you, your attendance is just… required right now.”
Spike frowned and suddenly wished he had his amber lenses on him, guessing he knew what these people were and where they were going. “Did it work then?” He asked, trying to keep the apprehension out of his voice.
“Personally, I don’t know. I’m not privy to our Lord and Master’s goings on. But we’re on our way for you to be told, and we were told, under no uncertain circumstances were you to be harmed in any way, so that’s gotta mean something, right?” He smiled and leaned back.
Spike grunted, and Xander squeezed his hand, his palm sweaty with nerves. What if they hadn’t done it right? What if Priape had laughed in Ouranus’s face? What if Priape, for whatever reason, couldn’t get Ouranus up and running? Anything was possible, this could still be a trip out to nowhere and their deaths. He squeezed Xander’s hand back.
They rode in the limo for a while, the guards eventually opening a bag of chips each and munching, getting some juice or something else to drink. Finally Xander knew they’d let them dehydrate till they begged for poison, and really, if they wanted to poison them, they could just fire a poison dart at them or something else mundane, so he asked for water and plain chips. Spike, seeing nothing happen to Xander, asked for the same, and they still drove on.
Xander looked out the window, they were out of Newburgh, in the countryside somewhere, where you could see farmland and sky and nothing else. Finally the car turned sharply down a driveway, and Xander thought the drive was almost over and got to the edge of his seat… and got uncomfortable. They still had a ways to go.
The sun set, and the stars came out when they finally stopped at a way station. The men got out with Spike and Xander, showed them the bathrooms and used them with them. The driver restocked the limo with stuff from the store, and this time Spike and Xander got in without argument. If they ran now, they had no idea where they were and would probably die of exposure before they found a friendly house for help.
Sometime later they stopped, the new moon still in the sky, a tiny, barely perceivable sliver showing, and they got out. All around them were the robed monks from Xander’s capture, but this time they showed reverence, bowing, hoods low over their faces as they did, sleeves down over their hands. The altar was much the same with the fruit, lots and lots of fruit, each one speared with knives, spears of all shapes, sizes, kinds and makes. Flies buzzed around, so did a few lazy bees, too confused with all the sugar to realize it was nighttime.
Xander and Spike walked to the altar with halting steps, looking around. Finally they face it and look around, not sure what to do.
“Should we spear some fruit?” Xander whispered.
“All the fruit’s been speared already,” Spike whispered back.
Suddenly, the body guards who had picked them up at the club were pulling forward a struggling Ethan. His hair was dishevelled and dirty, he had dirt on his face and hands and all over his black silk robes. He also had on a gag, and his fingers were tied to immobility in a mitten of sorts.
“What the…?” Spike asked
“He-he was there, he was the one in charge of keeping me docile and spelled….” Xander frowned, what was going on?
All at once, the monks threw back their heads, throats and eyes blazing blue, they spoke with one voice as they had when Spike had struck his deal.
“The one named Ethan Rayne came to us and offered his help with our problem. We accepted out of desperation, and he used our eternal name for crimes against your people which we can never ask forgiveness for.”
Ethan struggled furiously, but the guards held him still. He tried to utter spells, to finger-wave wordless ones, but he was immobile and gagged, helpless.
“He did these things for his own amusement and for his own joy, we felt it, but thought it was just a coincidence. We were fooled, never again. He counselled us that the best way to get your god’s attention was through sacrifice, and when that turned out not to work, he said our sacrifices weren’t powerful enough, we needed the seed and life of one of the priests, so we took one and were trying to get our way.”
“You! White haired one! You gave us a better route to follow; prayer, supplication to the priests and the prayer was powerful. Priapus accepted my audience, he heard my problem, he fixed it out of your energy in your prayer. This Ethan Rayne was nothing but a charlatan and a liar, as such he shall suffer…”
One of the monks came forward with a golden feather, it gleamed in the starlight with its own unearthly light. The guards ungagged him just long enough to force his mouth wide open. Another guard grabbed his tongue and pulled it out. Xander and Spike looked, confused, from feather to tongue, the tongue wasn’t a ticklish spot, but they watched as the demon -stabbed- the feather through Ethan’s tongue and slowly pulled it through.
Ethan screamed and writhed, but the guards held him still as the large feather was pulled slowly through his tongue. Drenched in blood, it was finally pulled through, and Ethan’s tongue was swollen to twice it’s size, with a gaping hole in the middle, still spattering blood. Xander looked away and buried his face in Spike’s shoulder, Spike put his hand on the back of Xander’s head and tried to sooth him, even as Ethan sobbed.
Once more Ouranus spoke. “You have been cursed with a griffin feather, you will never be able to speak a falsehood again, should you try, this pain will be but a sweet memory. Should you keep lying, your tongue will rot out of your skull. Know the value of honesty Rayne; never again lie to get your own way. If you wish to kill, kill for yourself. Never again take someone else’s name and kill when they have no reason for it. Had you counselled us correctly, your rewards would know no bound. Now… BEGONE!” And he was sucked into the sky, and they could see him not plummet, he was moving slowly, but he was going to the Earth, very very far away.
“Priests of Priapus, know there is now, and forever will be, a lasting trust and honour bound entrustment between us. Know peace between my priests and you, ask what you wish or need of them, you are welcome in our temples and our shrines. You are known to all my people all over the world.”
“No reward will ever be enough, and your rewards will forever be forthcoming and upcoming. Expect my people to forever be rewarding you, for now I may finally have children of my own, and that is a gift I cannot put a limit on. But please, name your first reward, what is it you wish, right this minute.”
Xander looked at Spike, Spike looked at Xander and they both shrugged, then Xander started making monkey sounds as something came to him that he couldn’t articulate. He started jumping up and down and waving his finger, pointing at Spike, then pointing at him, pointing at Spike then pointing back at him, finally he swallowed a breath and said, “BEN!!!!”
Spike frowned. “What about Ben?”
Xander looked around at all the monks and spoke to the altar, clearly. “I wish for Ben to find a partner who makes him every bit as happy as Steve used to make him, as Spike makes me. I want Ben happy, but not a fake happy, like spelling someone to fall in love with him, I want him to fall in love for real, find a real mate, and I want it to either last as long as he lives, or last a damned long human time. Can you do that?”
The monks stood still, heads back and spoke with one voice. “One has been chosen, and he will come, the other priest will find love again.”
“But it’s not going to be creepy spell love? Like, no stalking, and no means no, and all of that?” Xander insisted.
“Foolish mortal.” The sky rumbled, but it was a clear, star strewn night. “I am a god! I am no mere mortal dabbling in the arts. This love is forewritten in the stars, it must be because it has been and it will be. It will be natural, beautiful and wonderful for everyone involved. I know you fear for your friend, but had you not asked, it was to happen anyways.”
“Oh… well then… I’m happy.” Xander said
“Me too mate, but will keep that promise open, where did you drop off our unfriendly neighbour? Rayne?” Spike asked, he couldn’t help but be curious.
At this, the mortals heard the demon’s laughter, unearthly, cool, detached, coming from the demons’ throats. “He is in Downstate’s Correctional Facilities yard, trying to explain to the guards why he doesn’t belong there, even though he killed so many humans and just recently. The police presence at your home will soon be over, your attendance at court may not even be needed. I…” The god paused, the fact that he was a god and not another demon didn’t phase Xander or Spike one bit, they both knew it could still be a demon pretending to be a god, real gods were rare after all. “I regret the loss of life my drastic measures drove me to, I meant no ill towards you or your people. You are technically my children. I am sorry for what I have done to you. I was desperate and thought it was the only way, my counsel has since changed. May I call upon you if I need another word?”
Spike’s back bristled. “If there’s no more damned gun-play! Just ask! We don’t mind helping if we’re asked, and if we can’t right away, we can help later, but we’ll help…. We’re not closed to those around us and know what it’s like to need an ear to talk to. You may ask or talk or such with us if you wish it, and it meshes at the same time as we can make it. We promise, right Xander?”
“Yeah,” Xander stood up straight and looked at the fruit speared altar. “Promise. We like helping, we really do.”
“Then it is settled. Let there be a pact between our clans, Ouranus and Priapus, also known as Uranus and Priape. We are hereby bound by friendship and honour towards each other. Let it be known to all.”
Xander and Spike intoned together, quite without meaning to. “Let it be known to all.” They looked at each other and shrugged.
Xander asked, “Can we have some spears? Just, small, average sized ones, nothing massive or huge or anything.”
A priest, his robes made of satin, his cowl made from velvet, appeared with a set of about two dozen spears wrapped in velvet pouches and wrapped around into a bundle. Xander took it with a smile. “Thanks! So, anything I should know? Or can I just go spearing fruit in your name when I feel like it?”
“Spear fruit in my name child, and you shall know my gratitude,” Ouranus replied.
Xander smiled and clenched the spears in his hand, “Is it okay to eat the fruit?”
“Once it has been speared, it has served it’s purpose to me,” Ouranus said, completely complacent.
Xander grinned again, this was going to be fun! “Thank you Ouranus, we take these spears with real intent in our hearts and no deception.”
“May your life be long and well lived,” Ouranus replied.
Spike and Xander took that as a dismissal. They bowed and walked away from the altar and headed back to the car. Once there they got in it started up. Now they were so nice and relaxed and hungry, that they each ate two wrapped sandwiches, tuna and bologna respectively, and drank a lot of juice on the ride home, watching the scenery pass.
Now I think we’ve got two patron gods. We ain’t doing that badly after all
All parts found in tags and my memories